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 Hiashi's roleplay test

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PostSubject: Hiashi's roleplay test   Sun Feb 22, 2009 1:20 pm

Hiashi is lives in a small village right over the mountains and he was a trouble make and get in to a lot of bad stuff AND one day him and his squad got assigned to a mission far away from the village. Be for his squad left the village they get something to eat and got there bag's togeather then headed of (mission-go to the land of waves and escort a prisoner back here)

Day pass and the squad got to the land of waves,they they get him then quickly leave on there way back to the village Hiashi and his crew where attacked by some bandits trying to get there friend back Hiashi and one person of his team where fighting the ppl while the the other was gaurding the prisoner Hiashi had activated his byakugan then started fighting one of the ppl
he had got surrounded by about 5 ppl then they all attacked at once so Hiashi
used a rotation sending all of the bandits flying off of a cliff and his other friend that was fighting his name was Baki and he was haveing a hard time fighting so Hiashi ran up on the ppl and they started to fight him then as Hiashi said u are in range of my 8 trigrams 64 palms he started hitting the bandits chakra points killing them then he picked up Baki then carried him to the village but when they got to the village other ninja where there destroying
the village and anything in its path house's where set on fire so Hiashi hid the prisoner then him baki and his other friend started attacking back with
Hiashi byakugan it was eazy for him to kill the ppl by useing his 8 trigrams 64 palms, and his new jutsu Eight Divination Signs, One-Hundred and Twenty-Eight Palms of the Hand he was able to to kill all of the ninja there but 1 and he asked him ?'s and who sent him his answers where the Otokage sent him. Hiashi got so made that he hand to kill him, so Hiashi
hits him in the chest with his palm kill the sound ninja.Hiashi hand nothing left so he left the small village in search for more power do he could take his revenge back on the hidden sound village and he came acrost the hidden leaf village then stayed there after talking to the hokage...
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Number of posts : 86
Registration date : 2009-02-19

PostSubject: Re: Hiashi's roleplay test   Sun Feb 22, 2009 1:27 pm

I've seen worse, yet I also see a lot to improve there. Watch your grammatics a little bit, try not to use internetslang, try to use "" when someone is saying something, throw in a little more detail, things like that.

It may not sound all to impressive at the moment, but I'm sure that you can bring forth some lovely stories with the right help and the right coaching. Try looking for a veteran roleplayer to coach you a little bit. I'm not brilliant either, but I may be able to teach you a thing or 2. If you're interested, let me know.

Therefor, for now, I'll give you:
Genin Level
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Hiashi's roleplay test
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